One Way To Boost Home And/Or Baseball Ticket Sales

May 25, 2012

Sometimes the solution to a problem is so obvious you could kick yourself for not thinking of it sooner.

The problem I'm speaking of is the sluggish housing market. Also, the clutter on my shelves.

But we can possibly fix both with the idea that came to me recently when I went to a Cardinals baseball game and became one of the first 25,000 fans to receive a statue of retired manager Tony LaRussa.

I mean, it's nice and all. And it was thoughtful of the Cardinals to give them away.

But I think I speak for grown women everywhere when I ask: What exactly do they expect me to do with it now? Display it on the mantle next to my husband's 1973-74 St. Sabina Soccer Tournament stein? Store it in its original packaging in hopes that it, like my Mac the Cardinal Beanie Baby, will appreciate in value someday? No thank you.

Don't get me wrong. I love a good give-away. I have just reached the stage in life when I prefer promotional gifts I can actually use, such as first-class postage stamps. Honestly, if more athletic teams offered Reading Glasses Night, I would personally attend a lot more sporting events.

Which brings me back to these Tony LaRussa statues and how we might put them to more productive use. Consider these facts:

Fact: Burying a St. Joseph statue upside down in your yard is known to enhance home sales.

Lesser known fact: Tony LaRussa bears an uncanny resemblance to St. Joseph.

Can you see where I'm heading with this?

I'm serious. Google Tony and St. Joseph and see for yourself. Both have a slender build. Both have longish, saint-type hair. Drape a robe over Tony's Cardinal uniform, replace his line-up card with a shepherd's staff and, honest-to-goodness, I dare you to tell the two apart.

OK, so Tony's red Cardinal cap may give him away. On the plus side: that cap will help keep his hair from getting mussed when he's standing on his head a foot underground.

All we need to execute this plan is a statue collection drive. I'm happy to donate mine.

Then, we need for some local realtor group to sponsor a give-away at an upcoming baseball game. I'm thinking of a Tony-to-St. Joseph conversion kit. All it would need is a robe and a fake beard. Maybe a pair of sandals. Nothing flashy.

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking that not EVERYONE wants to sell their home.

Fine. The converted statue can easily double as a character in your Christmas nativity set.

Come to think of it, one of my Wise Men has been missing its head for years. Hmm.

Never mind. I think I may hold on to my statue after all.

Source: http://www.websterkirkwoodtimes.com/Articles-i-2012-05-25-180535.114137-One-Way-To-Boost-Home-AndOr-Baseball-Ticket-Sales.html

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